Just because the Hollywood elite have access to the best plastic surgeons in the universe doesn’t mean they always get the best plastic surgeries. Here are the worst cut-ups ever to grace the tabloids’ front pages.10. Pamela AndersonThis blonde Victoria, B.C. babe looked better than the girl next door. She looked like the girl next door that every guy would have broken down her door with a battering ram to get to know better. Unfortunately, when Hollywood beckoned, she got a boob job that defied the very laws of nature and physics. She went to a cup size that the alphabet doesn’t have a letter for yet. We wouldn’t be surprised if she also had to have surgery to get a spine inserted that was made out of the same stuff they used to make Wolverine’s claws. Recently, she decided to have them taken out and donated them to the U.S. Navy as life rafts.

9. Burt ReynoldsBurt may just have one of the most iconic and memorable faces in the history of American cinema. These days, he’s got a face that’s tighter than a pair of size 5 stretch pants on Roseanne Barr. He tried to recapture the face that made him famous in such movies as “Smokey and the Bandit” and “Deliverance,” but he ended up with a face that looks like it belongs in the next “Alien vs. Predator” movies. From the 1970s to the present, he’s had a facelift and a nose job that makes his chiseled face look chiseled away.

8. Michael DouglasThe whole purpose of getting plastic surgery, we assume, is so you’ll look younger so you can score a date (and possibly more) with a hot babe. So it’s a wonder to us why Michael Douglas would marry mega-hottie Catherine Zeta Jones and then get really horrid plastic surgery that makes you look like someone whacked you in the face with a shovel for an hour? I’m sure actually getting whacked in the head would be cheaper and more people would be willing to do it.

7. Clint EastwoodClint Eastwood is known for his famous squinty eyes. It makes him look rough and tough and gives him that perfect cold stare whether he’s in a duel in a spaghetti western or about to make his day in “Dirty Harry.” But recently he paid a fistful of dollars for a facelift that make his eyes look like they are about to pop out of his head. I wish he had kept his squinty look. It’s hard to intimidate some creep with a giant hand cannon when you have Clint Eastwood’s rugged face and Homer Simpson’s giant eyes.

6. Joan RiversGeez, can we talk? Where do I start with the sultan of the scalpel, the lord of the liposuction, her royal highness of the rhinoplasty? The idea of plastic surgery is it’s supposed to make you look younger. Joan Rivers round of operations make her look like she’s could have dated Jesus. Besides, it’s a little hypocritical to spend your life criticizing the way other people look when you’ve paid someone else to make you look like the Cryptkeeper in drag.

5. Robert RedfordHere’s another one of the most iconic faces in Hollywood who let a surgeon turn his mug into the visual equivalent of day old bologna. He had some sort of facelift done just after the turn of the millennium that doesn’t make him look any younger. It makes him look like he drank from the wrong grail. It was so bad in fact that Joan Rivers publicly ridiculed it, which is like the pot calling the kettle a pot.

4. Michael JacksonYou know you’ve gotten a bad skin job when you place higher than Michael Jackson. The king of pop is well known for his numerous surgeries and slash jobs. He’s been taken apart and put back together more times than a used car in a chop shop. He’s gotten his nose fixed, his skin bleached, his eyes lifted and even his pubic hair surgically removed, all in the hope that he will look younger. Next time, he should be arrested for touching himself.

3. Pete BurnsHere’s another guy on the list. We think. The “Right Round” guy from the 80s seems to have had some kind of sexual reorientation surgery, but he either changed his mind or ran out of money halfway through the operation. He’s gotten collagen injections, cheek implants and even nose reshapings in order to make Boy George look like Arnold Schwarzenegger by comparison. He also recently hosted a special called “Cosmetic Surgery Nightmares,” which was not autobiographical.

2. Mickey RourkeThe actor looks like he went into his surgeon’s office, plopped down a wad of cash and announced to his befuddled doctor, “Give me the Nick Nolte treatment!” He basically had surgery to look like he’s been roughed up in every dive bar and prison cell on the East Coast. He’s had hair plugs, face jobs, the works. It’s hard to believe this man once starred in a movie called “Johnny Handsome.” That would explain why it didn’t do so well at the box office.

1. Carrot TopThe prop comic spends his career being the modern day equivalent of a court jester, so he spent his millions of dollars getting surgery to make him look like one. He went from a boyish class clown face to the Joker’s stunt double. He seems to have gotten his eyebrows lifted to somewhere just above the stratosphere and his face has been pulled back so far, his new stage name should be “Skin Head.” It would make him even more popular in the South than he already is.

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